i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
