I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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