I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
