you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
