Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
