my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
