i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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