if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
