Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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