I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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