Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
