i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
