Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
