I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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