The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
