How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
