Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
