It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
