38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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