Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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