Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
