I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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