I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize
