Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
