I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
