Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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