Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
