5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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