he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
