I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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