i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
