I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You pole danced in your parka.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
