I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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