dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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