she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
