Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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