On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
