I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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