no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
