foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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