You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
