I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
