Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
