Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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