The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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