I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
