i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
