So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
