There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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