I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
