Cold hands, warm shart.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
