Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
