i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
