the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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