she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
my liver is dry heaving
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
