you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
