well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
