I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
