a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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