we have officially lost it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
