I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
