Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
