plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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