After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
