Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize