I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
