so that wasnt chicken after all
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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