I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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