I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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