He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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