she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
