she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
