The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
