I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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