i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
