i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
nutella sex= disaster
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
